I'll start off with a quote:
"Fake friends are like cheap products.Its nice when you first got it, but it only lasts until you realize how lousy it is."
That is an original quote by yours truly by the way. Unless someone else thought of it before then it would just mean that I didn't know he/she said it? I'm not making any sense.
As 2010 comes to an end, I find myself constantly thinking about the past. I think of all the memories I've had in school and with my friends. I think of all the people in my life who betrayed me and caused problems. I think of all the people I used to hate (or still hate).
I'm turning 20 in a few months time and it scares me. The fact that I can no longer be classified as a teen just makes me sit down and really think things through. Have I done enough? Have I done all I could to be the person I am today? What have I done anyway?
Experiences make a person. As for me, I built myself from all the bad things. The betrayal, the hurt, the disappointments, all these things shaped me. I know there are more people out there with bigger issues than myself but I feel that all these events in my life has taught me to never let my guard down. Never let anyone in. Now at 19, I have my guard up so high I just can't trust anyone. I do have a small circle of friends that I'd trust so much, I'd put my life in their hands without a doubt. But for most cases, I wouldn't.
Two years in college has taught me that people will not hesitate to take you down if you stand in their way of something. If you think high school is worse, think again. I used to think that high school people are full of drama and that once I go to college, things will all get better. What I had learned within the first month of college totally changed my perspective of things. In high school, people argue and fight and call each other names. In college, everything goes down under the radar. Nothing is ever what it seams. The smile you see on each face hides the monster that lies underneath just waiting for the right moment to take down whoever it wishes.
I actually have so much more on my mind that I'd like to spill out because its eating my up from inside. The smile on my face everyday just hides all the frustration and now you all know. I was expecting this post to be so much longer. Something like a 10 page final report. More to come. It feels good to be writing after a long long absence from college. I really can't wait to start classes once I transfer to the States. I just hope my brain could still process new things.
I'm not happy of the progress I made today. Although I've released part of my burden, I still have so much inside that needs to be released. I really want to clear out everything before I go off.
Speaking of going off, that's another thing that disappoints me. But I won't and I can't talk about it because its not pretty. This is actually one of the main contributing factors to my mood these days. But whatever. I am leaving whether you guys like it or not. Honestly, I don't give a damn. I bet you all feel the same. Its been 19 years and now its time for me to spread my wings (and fly like a G6).
I will be going on a digital freeze for a week starting Christmas day. Digital freeze is a term I created to name a challenge I have created for myself. I plan to live life without Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, blogging, vlogging, 3G, and internet for a week. I know I complained about not being able to go online in Australia but to be completely honest, it was the most stressful period of my life ever since I started having access to the internet (aside from the navigating of course). This challenge is to try and capture the peace I had felt back when I was on vacation in Australia.
I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I need a solution. I need a way out.
See you guys in my next post. If I don't post up anything before Christmas, see you on New Year's day.
Ivan
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